From my solo mystery Race:
(From Chapter 32)
Next, Mark gave us each copies of the contents in Roman’s file box. Mark told us Roman’s cell phone had been locked inside it, apparently not used much according to the technician’s report, most of his recent calls to his parents’ number in Idaho and a couple to the chaplain’s.
“The guy was smart. He even had a notarized will. Left everything to his parents. Strange if he thought he’d outlive them. Had a decent bank account, a credit card with no outstanding charges. Receipts from all paid purchases. Highly organized. And these. Three more items of significance, pertaining to his character.” Mark distributed additional photographs, copies of an envelope with Danny’s name on it in all caps and a letter comprised the first of the new pile.
We each separated the two copies and set the rest of them aside without looking at them.
“Danny,
I’m sure you’re wondering what’s going on with me and your girl. So let me set the record straight. Nothing. Yeah, she’s gorgeous, but we both know she’s not like the other women we’ve shared at different times. She’s special, and I’m telling you man to man you better get with the program and stop drinking or you’re going to lose her. And I’ll be honest with you too, my friend. If you drop the ball, I’m going to be there to pick it up. I’ve never known love, but she could point me in that direction for sure.
Danny, I’d never hurt you. We’ve been friends for our lifetime on these crazy racetracks. So I’ll get out of your way with Ronnie, but I’m letting you know she’s fed up with your drinking and if she’s not more important than the bottle to you, you’re flat crazy.
One last thing. I’ve met Jesus Christ. Best thing that ever happened to me. I know this much. He won’t let you down. Think about it, my friend.
Later, Roman.”
Before I allowed my swelling emotions to get the best of me I picked up the next pile of copies. Several poses of the same item: a gift box with a necklace in it. Delicate gold chain with a teardrop diamond pendant. Next he gave us the pictures of the card that was tucked into a jewelry bag with the necklace. Again the envelope had “Ronnie” printed across it in all caps. The card itself showed a striking sunset with the silhouette of a horse against it. Inside were Roman’s words to Ronnie.
“I’ve lived my life all wrong. You’re one of the few things that’s right in my life. You belong to Danny. Do for him what you’ve done for me. Thank you, Ronnie. Roman”
Normally I’m not sentimental—or romantic. This immediately choked me up, and I had to excuse myself, knowing the guys would wonder at my emotionalism of late. Oh well. I had no choice.
When I got to the restroom, I went into a stall and took out my handkerchief and put it up to my eyes. And lost it. I never realized how hard it was to keep quiet when you’re near convulsing with sorrow. When Sheila left, I drowned my sorrows in drink and only occasionally let the tears come. At home. Alone. Just let them fall or drain down my face. And drank some more. But now I had no alcohol to subdue the pain, and for whatever reason the loss of this young man crushed my spirit. My gut ached from trying to hold back noisy sobs. My face and handkerchief were soaked. I had to pull handfuls of toilet paper from the roll to keep my nose subdued and before too long I’d almost filled the toilet bowl with wads of snotty tissue.
“Breathe, damn it!” I shouted inside my head. And then swore because I swore.
“David?”
Jesse’s voice. And I knew he came because he cared, but I didn’t want him to be here. “Yeah? What’re you doin’ followin’ me to the little boy’s room?” I tried hard to sound in control, but he knew me too well.
“Look, I’m sorry. I just wanted to tell you I’m here for you. If you ever need me, I’m here. Okay?”
I wanted so desperately to speak. To say something intelligent, thoughtful, grateful, funny even, but I knew if I tried, I’d blubber, and it would be humiliating. More than it already was. But I had to answer him. Had to say something, anything. And it pained me that all I could muster was, “Thanks.”
Thank you, Lord. I say it every day: Apart from you, I can do nothing. Thank you is never enough. In the Name of Jesus, Amen.
