This is from my WIP told in first person male voice.
Chapter 7
I’m not a great guy. I’ve been a player of sorts and tried to make it apparent to the women with whom I’d played that my intentions were not for the long term. But, like most of the women I’ve encountered along my disreputable journey, each one, who’d survived beyond that first or second liaison, believed they could change that claim and make me their own. I’d like to think it was because I showed them respect in my advances and was at least partly honest with them in my explanations being sure to assure them it was me, not them. I doubt that worked since most of our departures were, shall I say, unpleasant.
As I re-showered and changed into my writing clothes, old sweats and socks - without holes this time - and a decent long-sleeved t-shirt, I pondered why my past occupied my current thoughts. Probably because I confessed a piece of the past to my “new-hire”. I seemed to enjoy lying to myself when it came down to analyzing my behavior, but deep down in that place some people call the soul, I knew it was because I was intangibly drawn to my new employee. “Intangibly” because I barely knew her. No surprise she met my physical requirements for a very attractive woman, but I wasn’t so consumed with lust that I failed to notice her character. You can’t fake character. I’ve seen enough in my business attempt it, but what they’d compromise for the love of that almighty dollar always exposed who they really were.
While I contemplated all of this, I realized I stood motionless in the middle of my bedroom staring toward my large bay windows but seeing nothing. I cussed at myself and headed to my office, determining to shut down this meandering mindset and focus on the manuscript that had me frustrated seven chapters into it with not a clue where to go next. Being one of those seat-of-the-pants authors, I couldn’t force a story to take shape. It didn’t work that way for me, nor would I ever be inclined to change it up now. However, it did produce lulls and stoppages that sometimes gave me fits of frustration and quite often led to bad behavior – almost as if I thought cutting loose would somehow give me fresh inspiration. Inevitably, I’m ashamed to admit, my conduct would lead to even lengthier delays and add substantial folders to my regret files which, unhappily, had multiplied in volume in recent years.
Or, perhaps, to be completely honest with myself, it had been ongoing since that love I once felt vacated my life a long time ago.
Father, you know me. Apart from you, I can do nothing. I treasure the stories you've given me, the words and characters, even the process hard as it might be at times. Please continue to give me what I need to write another novel to honor you. In the Name of Jesus, Amen.